Stools and not the kind you sit on

And so to continue with the school vocabulary it’s clear that I currently have wobbly stools. And where better to discuss all things pertaining to the toilet, well obviously with much giggling in the classroom. When I was requested yesterday to produce a stool sample they presented me with a …

tiny tiny pot and a tiny doll size spoon!

I was puzzled a spoon? Are all stool samples of the solid variety? This situation did not call for a spoon, I needed something more like an industrial size washing up bowl in order to catch the exploding particles and general swoosh! So small pot and a lot of liquid not an ideal fit. I thought long and hard about how to do this but obviously there is also the moment when the time for thinking is over and action is forced upon you.

I had removed my watch and rings (good thinking Batman) and held my tiny pot in general position with a few paper towels. You can probably imagine the end result, not pretty. And it was everywhere and of course the more you try to contain it the more dribbles, plops, slops and general spreadage there is.

And then somebody knocked on the door! One women’s and one men’s toilet for a bunch of cancer patients. Not enough, I realized in that moment as I had a clear up job to perform before could let next user in. That just made matters worse as I was also feeling guilty about making others wait and wanted to make sure that the facilities were immaculate for the next customer.

After washing my hands and the pot itself about 20 times I was horrified to see that the barcode had totally rubbed off so feeling a little embarrassed I had to ask my favourite nurse who always does my bloods, finds veins in one go where others simply prod and poke, for another barcode. Bless her, I think she got the picture and actually offered, armed with plastic gloves to decant into new pot with new code. Bless her and why the hell didn’t it occur to me that plastic gloves may be a good idea.

Anyway that was first test of the day and obviously I’d like to say things got steadily better but I think the jury is still out. Will let you know about how my other exams go later in the week.

It’s safe to say that holidays are well and truely over – oh that’s if you don’t count weekends. So planning boat and plenty of swimming and fishing for Sunday.

More tales from your Lazy Blogger


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